To Our Readers,
Thankfully, there are professionals who can guide us through difficult situations with our children and offer good advice.
Something horrifying and senseless happened in Monmouth County this week so we contacted those experts.
The nightmare of Neptune police Sgt. Philip Seidle, described as a ‘great cop’ and a ‘kind man’, allegedly shooting his ex-wife, Tamara, in cold blood as police and numerous witnesses watched in broad daylight on the streets of Asbury Park is difficult enough to internalize. The fact that his 7-year-old daughter was in his Honda Pilot in a car chase, then survived crashing into her mother’s car and watching the terror unfold is even harder to grasp. Harder still is knowing that their nine children, aged 7 to 24, are now without a mother and, almost certainly, a father. And all this supposedly over a custody dispute. The irony couldn’t be more stinging.
Thankfully, the young daughter was pulled to safety as her father shot a second round of bullets at the car, according to police. And the question still goes unanswered about why Asbury Park police on the scene did not shoot Seidle in the leg or somewhere else to stop him from taking the second shots. It’s still not clear if that might have saved the woman’s life, but it’s a valid question nonetheless.
No, this tragedy did not happen in the Two River area, thank God. But it’s close to home and the story has become a national one so it’s trending online, being broadcast in detail on television news and is taking up a lot of space on the front pages of newspapers. So your children are being exposed to one more violent situation and this one is at the Jersey Shore.
So, what should a parent say as this story and so many other violent and frightening scenarios unfold? As Liz Rudder of Perform Care says, we tend to want to shield our children from the violence, from the bad news. But that’s not an appropriate nor realistic reaction experts warn. She instead stresses honest, open, two-way communication is essential, as is a safe environment to have that conversation. It’s important to make kids feel safe and reassure them nothing terrible is going to happen to them. Think Mr. Rogers. We’re also told not to share all the graphic details but describe the general situation instead. Communication is key and listening is perhaps even more important than talking. That seems to be more and more elusive these days of the societal addiction to texting on cellphones. I shake my head in wonder when I see a family having a meal together in a restaurant and every member, including the parents who should know so much better, all staring down at their phones texting. Just why did they bother to eat out together if there would be no communication? Sometimes the behavior continues even when the meal is served. That’s not two-way communication with your kids. Studies are showing that the 20- and early 30-some- thing crowd are having a difficult time in corporate America when it comes to doing business by phone. Many of them have lost the ability to verbally communicate effectively. So put the phone down and talk to each other, please. Look each other in the eye. And listen. They just might have a lot on their minds that a comfortable conversation may help.
Let’s have coffee!
Jody Calendar
Editor/Co-Publisher
editor@tworivertimes.com
Thankfully, there are professionals who can guide us through difficult situations with our children and offer good advice.
Something horrifying and senseless happened in Monmouth County this week so we contacted those experts.
The nightmare of Neptune police Sgt. Philip Seidle, described as a ‘great cop’ and a ‘kind man’, allegedly shooting his ex-wife, Tamara, in cold blood as police and numerous witnesses watched in broad daylight on the streets of Asbury Park is difficult enough to internalize. The fact that his 7-year-old daughter was in his Honda Pilot in a car chase, then survived crashing into her mother’s car and watching the terror unfold is even harder to grasp. Harder still is knowing that their nine children, aged 7 to 24, are now without a mother and, almost certainly, a father. And all this supposedly over a custody dispute. The irony couldn’t be more stinging.
Thankfully, the young daughter was pulled to safety as her father shot a second round of bullets at the car, according to police. And the question still goes unanswered about why Asbury Park police on the scene did not shoot Seidle in the leg or somewhere else to stop him from taking the second shots. It’s still not clear if that might have saved the woman’s life, but it’s a valid question nonetheless.
No, this tragedy did not happen in the Two River area, thank God. But it’s close to home and the story has become a national one so it’s trending online, being broadcast in detail on television news and is taking up a lot of space on the front pages of newspapers. So your children are being exposed to one more violent situation and this one is at the Jersey Shore.
So, what should a parent say as this story and so many other violent and frightening scenarios unfold? As Liz Rudder of Perform Care says, we tend to want to shield our children from the violence, from the bad news. But that’s not an appropriate nor realistic reaction experts warn. She instead stresses honest, open, two-way communication is essential, as is a safe environment to have that conversation. It’s important to make kids feel safe and reassure them nothing terrible is going to happen to them. Think Mr. Rogers. We’re also told not to share all the graphic details but describe the general situation instead. Communication is key and listening is perhaps even more important than talking. That seems to be more and more elusive these days of the societal addiction to texting on cellphones. I shake my head in wonder when I see a family having a meal together in a restaurant and every member, including the parents who should know so much better, all staring down at their phones texting. Just why did they bother to eat out together if there would be no communication? Sometimes the behavior continues even when the meal is served. That’s not two-way communication with your kids. Studies are showing that the 20- and early 30-some- thing crowd are having a difficult time in corporate America when it comes to doing business by phone. Many of them have lost the ability to verbally communicate effectively. So put the phone down and talk to each other, please. Look each other in the eye. And listen. They just might have a lot on their minds that a comfortable conversation may help.
Let’s have coffee!
Jody Calendar
Editor/Co-Publisher
editor@tworivertimes.com
