By Regina Molaro
Shared milestones are part of the human experience. For those with children, a big milestone is when they go off to college. Many look forward to the sense of freedom long associated with this phase of life. Many yearn to travel, take up new hobbies, or simply nourish relationships they may not have always had time for.
But as they begin this new chapter, they may also face the reality of caring for aging parents or other loved ones. Referred to as the “sandwich generation,” this group of adults, typically in their 40s to 50s, is squeezed between raising their children and supporting their aging relatives.
Longer lifespans and delayed childbearing mean this generation often faces intense financial, physical and emotional stress, including burnout and depression.
From 2023 to 2024, the population of those age 65 and older climbed by 3.1% to 61.2 million, according to the U.S. Census Bureau. Many now find themselves in caretaker roles.
“The sandwich generation is stretched thinner than ever. They’re caring for aging parents while still supporting grown children, maintaining relationships, and managing their own health and careers,” said Beth Sholom, owner and executive director of Right at Home of Central New Jersey, a home care agency providing services to seniors as well as disabled adults.
Help is On the Way
Some caretakers notice their parents or loved ones exhibiting signs of dementia or realize their mobility is on the decline. They begin to wonder how much longer these individuals can care for themselves independently. Since new caretakers often lack guidance, they wonder how they’ll know when that time has come.
The Alzheimer’s Association outlines common warning signs, which include memory loss that disrupts daily life, difficulty completing familiar tasks, confusion with time or place, changes in judgment, withdrawal from social activities, and shifts in mood or personality.
Unfortunately, for those who exhibit these symptoms, living independently is not an option. “The decision to move into assisted living or memory care is deeply personal and rarely based on a single moment or symptom. Most often, safety and dignity become the guiding factors: concerns about wandering, falls, medication management, or a loved one no longer thriving at home,” said Rebecca Lynch, Community Sales director at BrightView Senior Living in Holmdel.
Memory care is not only about managing loss; it’s also about supporting quality of life. In memory care neighborhoods such as BrightView’s Wellspring Villages, residents have access to engaging programs, consistent routines and meaningful social connections.
“For individuals who have become isolated or disengaged, these environments can reignite purpose, joy and a sense of belonging. Memory care can be a proactive, compassionate step, not just a reactive one,” Lynch said.
First Steps
For those who feel they’re at a crossroads and are unsure what’s next, a helpful first step is to reach out to a senior living community and schedule a visit. Asking questions and observing daily life can provide clarity that no brochure or website ever could.
When you visit, ask yourself: Does this feel like home? Are there programs that would genuinely interest my loved one? Do the associates appear engaged, present, and warm with residents? Is the food appealing and flexible to preferences?
“These elements matter deeply. A diagnosis does not change the human need for comfort, choice, enjoyment and connection. The right community should feel like an extension of home – one that supports the whole person, not just their care needs,” Lynch said.
Early Challenges
Since Lynch frequently meets with community members, she recognizes that certain challenges tend to arise. She has some feedback for caregivers navigating these common situations.
The emotional weight of promises made long ago – “in sickness and in health” or “I would never put you in a nursing home” – are among the greatest challenges. When caregiving at home is no longer safe or sustainable, families often experience guilt, grief and a sense of failure.
“It can be helpful to gently reframe those promises. ‘In sickness and in health’ does not mean doing everything alone. It means ensuring that care is provided with love, intention and dignity. Families should not feel ashamed for seeking professional support,” Lynch said.
A powerful shift happens when caregivers begin to see themselves as care partners and advocates rather than as hands-on providers of all care. This allows them to focus on being a spouse, child or sibling while trusting a trained team to provide the daily support. That partnership is often what brings the most peace to both the individual living with dementia and the family who loves them.
Caring for the Caregivers
Right at Home’s Sholom advises caregivers to prioritize their own well-being. “Schedule downtime with the same intention you schedule medical appointments. Protect your rest, social life and emotional health. Ask for help and accept it – without guilt. Remember, you can’t pour from an empty cup. Taking care of yourself is not selfish; it’s essential to sustaining your ability to care for others.”
Caregivers should also be mindful that this act of care is as emotional as it is physical. “Many adult children find themselves caring for a parent with whom they’ve had a strained or distant relationship. Their feelings – anger, guilt, confusion, even ambivalence – are completely valid. You can be both caring and conflicted at the same time. It’s not hypocrisy; it’s humanity,” Sholom said.
Caregiving can reopen old wounds, but it can also provide moments of unexpected connection, forgiveness or peace. Sometimes, stepping into a caregiving role becomes a way to find closure or healing; other times, it’s simply an act of decency and humanity.
Regardless, know what you can and cannot give. In some cases, engaging a professional caregiver to share responsibility can help ease both the physical demands and emotional strain. Ultimately, caregiving should never mean sacrificing your own emotional well-being. Compassion for your loved one begins with compassion for yourself.
Resources
For those who can live independently but need some support, Right At Home as well as many other senior communities, offer everything from preparing meals to providing 24 hour care. Plans are tailored to individual needs – from helping with dressing and hygiene to providing medication reminders, transportation to medical appointments and beyond.
Another great resource is the Office of Aging, the primary planning, coordinating, and funding agency for senior programs and services. It promotes the well-being, health, and independence of Monmouth County’s 170,000-plus older adults. Beyond caregiver services, it provides disability and veteran services. It is part of Monmouth County Division on Aging, Disabilities & Veterans Services, 3000 Kozloski Road, Freehold, 732-431-7450, monmouthadvs.com.
The article originally appeared in the February 5 – 11, 2026 print edition of The Two River Times.
