My Son Is Beaming With His Lovely Bride

By Jody Calendar

My son, Shane, was wed to his lovely bride, Kate, this Sunday in what was an emotional and wonderful ceremony that blended two cultures.

We are Irish and Kate and her family are Jewish so it was important to represent both at the ceremony and that certainly was the case. I read a Gaelic (Irish) toast at the rehearsal dinner and The Chuppa under which they were married under was my son’s grandmother’s heirloom tablecloth.

The judges Shane and Kate clerked for officiated: The Honorable Susan Reisner, Judge in the Superior Court of New Jersey, Appellate Division and The Honorable  James Blaney, Judge in the Superior Court of New Jersey, Criminal division.

My two nephews, Michael and Brian Shaughnessy held two of the four poles of the Chuppa. My dear, dear sister-in-law, Veronica Shaughnessy, read an Irish blessing. Shane gave Kate his maternal grandmother’s wedding ring and Shane was given the same ring that has been worn in every wedding ceremony in Kate’s mother’s family since 1925.

Out of respect for the couple’s and both their families’ devotion to the NY Giants, the breaking of the glass was not a glass but a Dallas Cowboy’s Christmas ornament.

And by the way, after the wedding, we all made it to the The Hat at the hotel to watch the Giants squeak in a win in the last 20 seconds of the game. Only proper for that couple’s wedding night.

All the groomsmen wore argyle socks with the emblem of their chosen NFL team. We all danced around the raised chairs during the Hora, and I have to admit, my son looked far more nervous during the descent than his bride! Sorry honey.

From the moment Kate and Shane burst into the ballroom and started dancing, it didn’t stop until toasts were made to the couple by Best Man, Daniel Grimm, and Kate’s sister Mara Young, Maid of Honor. Then it resumed with abandon until Shane made an emotional toast honoring the lost grandparents on both sides of the family and celebrated Kate’s maternal grandparents, whose father is celebrating his 90th and the entire gathering sang “Happy Birthday.”

We ended the ceremony with one of our traditions – 175 people got up on the dance floor and sang “American Pie.” The bridal party represented Kate’s range in life – Taekwondo before and during high school, Gettysburg College, and Seton Hall Law.

My son chose a different path. Not high school, not Notre Dame University or Rutgers Law. His groomsmen were all friends since Kindergarten or First Grade, all my extended sons, all my boys. Many were members of The Blue Devils for eight years, a town sponsored soccer league my husband co-coached with Bob Manfredi, who was also in attendance with his wife Jean. She was the chief soccer mom, like Bob was head coach, and I her assistant. And many were in the high school plays with Shane and MaryJean Raulerson and I were Drama Mamma’s. Many also played varsity football together and we were the moms handing out Gatorade at the end of each game. All the parents of the groomsmen, all dear friends because of our children – the Perillos, the Zaidinskis, the Raulersons, and the Grimms were there. I wish more could have been there but they were there in my heart.

Mara, a rabbi in Westchester County, conducted the ceremony of the Ketubah, the Jewish official and incredibly moving marriage contract, followed by everyone attending the close family portion of the pre-wedding gathering whispering something personal to the couple to take down the aisle and share for life. My family almost wholly came together for the first time in nearly five years, which was unspeakably heartfelt. Young cousins who have never met became close allies and older ones reconnected in joy.

Family members spread around the country spent a long weekend together. It doesn’t get better than that. Our dearest friends locally and from around the country came to celebrate our son’s wedding and I thank them for the commitment to be there. They are cherished. The feeling of being surrounded by those who you love and love you back and a family we have gleefully adopted as our own, Kate’s family, meant more than I could have ever anticipated.

What else I didn’t expect was the emotion when my husband, Carl, and I walked Shane down the aisle. He first gave his dad a bear hug and then me. My heart was popping with joy and sentimentality. The tears couldn’t be held back. I knew Kate’s mom, Debbie, had the same feeling and after Kate hugged both her parents, her mom and I spontaneously hugged one another. That emotion cannot be explained in words, only from one mother’s heart to another.

The dance with my son to “Have I Told You Lately That I love You” was something I have looked forward to since he sang it to me in the car as a young child. And watching Kate dance with her dad, David, to “Jersey Girl” couldn’t have been more fitting.

All in all, the feeling I came away with was my son is incredibly happy, I have inherited a wonderful extended family and I finally have a daughter. Could anything be better? I know every mother who has attended her son’s wedding can connect. It’s impossible to really put in words, even if you are a wordsmith.

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