Blunders, Bummers, and Disappointments 2015

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Lest you think the life of a restaurant critic is all foie gras and truffles, we have decided to share some of our less than wonderful experiences this past year, as we pursued our quest to find new and interesting dinner destinations. The names of restaurants shall remain undisclosed; the dishes and experiences are real.
We don’t think it kind or fair to blast a restaurant with a scathing review after one bad-experience visit; we would sooner not write the review at all, than to return a second time and be disappointed twice. Our range of good to excellent ratings should provide a nice assortment of destinations over the course of a year, and if readers don’t see a restaurant review in print, they can assume it is as yet un-reviewed or simply go themselves and see what they think.
One of the more humorous moments of the year was a menu listing at what we hoped would be a great new find. It touted “Grilled Fresh Local Wahoo.” We feigned innocence and asked the waiter how wahoo could be local fish when we understood it to be a predominantly southern, warm water fish. He assured us that we were correct, but it was indeed local, because it had been purchased from the fish market just down the road! Ouch!
The number of times we encountered overcooked fish is alarming. Even in seafood restaurants, many were clueless regarding the fragility of fish, and lacked the awareness of its tendency to keep cooking after it comes off the fire. We had more dry, tasteless swordfish this year, than not. One establishment took much pride in burying the doubly dead piece of fish under a small sea of mustard/mayonnaise sauce in an attempt to infuse moisture back into it. Not good!
Our expectations ran high as we sat down at a local seafood restaurant and ordered a simple dish found in many area eateries: linguine with white clam sauce. The plating looked innocent enough; pasta with some whole clams in the shell adorning the top, and what appeared to be sliced and chopped clams, perhaps large quahogs. The slices defied our ability to chew them, and upon further inspection, we discovered they were not to clams at all, but pieces of raw, uncooked bacon. Yuk!
The waitress seemed unfazed by our discovery, and allowed for the fact that “some of them must have slipped through.” Some? Even one piece would have been nasty; but it was all of them! Needless to say, from that point on it was hard to look favorably upon the rest of the meal, and we left defeated, lacking enough positive dishes to give a passing grade.
We had high hopes for an area establishment that had recently been sold and the menu revised. Our hopes were dashed when the polenta arrived at the table; it was lumpy and stuck together, doing a pretty good impersonation of library paste. A dish served with grits suffered the same gluey-textured cornmeal. Include the arid piece of fish that shared the plate, and we watched any shot of even a “good” rating fade into the cosmos.
Excessive salt in the food has been a problem for us at almost every restaurant we visited this year. Not every dish, but enough to make it troublesome. In all fairness, one of us shuns salt, the other never met a dish he felt was too salty, although he recognizes when most reasonable folks would be put off.
A small annoyance was the restaurant that served the exact same sides with every entrée, no matter what the protein. Since when do a grilled pork chop, roast chicken, or a piece of salmon have flavors in common? It made us think the kitchen was lazy, didn’t love the food, and went for an easy out.
Hey Chef, if you are going to serve us house-made gelato for dessert, at the minimum, it must be at least as good as store bought; better than that would be terrific. In case you weren’t sure, sticking a tooth-busting, out-of-date biscotti on top, doesn’t help the cause either.
OK, that pretty much lets us vent about having to endure the bad with the good.  For the most part, we had many good, or very good, meals; and certainly, even a top restaurant can drop the ball on a dish or two now and then. It’s when there are more misses than hits that we draw the line and chalk the night up as a loss.
We are already looking ahead to 2016 and all the restaurants we will visit; and yes, we may eat some foie gras or truffles, but only in the name of research!
Happy Holidays from Bob & Bob!
Bob Sacks, wine aficionado, and Bob Sickles, owner and operator of Sickles Market, review restaurants in this bimonthly column. Read past reviews here.