By Judy O’Gorman Alvarez
Rose Tamburro has lived through World War II and outlived two husbands and a daughter, but she never thought she’d find herself masked and quarantined in her Lincroft apartment.
“Oh, this is serious,” she said of COVID-19. She only goes for short walks outside her building. “And I always wear my mask.”
With the coronavirus touching every aspect of our society, all everyone is affected. Officials, celebrities and loved ones tell us to “Stay home. Stop the spread. Save lives.”
But according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, people 65 years and older are considered at high risk for severe illness from COVID-19, the disease caused by the virus.
Some of these seniors – many of them octogenarians or older and many with pre-existing medical conditions – are struggling to accept the changes to their lives.
Now they must rely on family, friends or volunteer groups to shop for their food. Known as the Greatest Generation, many are living alone, suddenly cut off from their activities, houses of worship, even the supermarket. Some who’ve embraced technology may be navigating how to get the news online and what to do when their grandchildren want to talk to them on something called Zoom.
“Some seniors are very stressed,” said Alison Block, a psychologist in Oceanport. “They’re not familiar with technology, they worry they may be ‘hacked,’ and they may be having trouble ordering food online.”
She points out that a person who “normally would be playing mah-jongg or bridge” has been thrust into a world without those activities. In her practice, specializing in anxiety disorders, Block said, “I’m seeing people cut off from their normal support system.”
“People are talking about dying,” Block said of seniors and the middle-aged. “I’ve had people who have said to me, ‘I’m not afraid to die, but I’m afraid to die alone.’ ”
She urges everyone to ask themselves, “What can we all do to help our seniors?”
In pre-COVID-19 days, the Middletown Senior Center would be organizing bus trips, bingo games and crafts. But nowadays, staff is checking in with seniors to see how they’re faring.
“We personally contact each member to make sure they have resources and they’re in touch with their family members,” said Kourtney Davis, Middletown Senior Center supervisor.
Staff can advise seniors of stores that may have curbside pickup or contactless checkouts and, if needed, steer them to programs for monetary help such as Lunch Break or Meals on Wheels. Some seniors are frail or convalescing and unable to get out of their homes in nonpandemic times. “We’re here to assist all members,” Davis said.
Sometimes that means chatting with seniors about their concerns, especially about fears and isolation. “There is a loneliness factor, of course,” said Davis, “when you’re afraid to leave your house. But I’ve heard great things too, like it’s an opportunity to finally clean out that drawer, tackle projects.”
Perhaps the most important role of the senior center is keeping the lines of communication open, especially between the senior and their family. Each member has supplied the center with an emergency contact to be called if their loved one is possibly at risk.
“It’s so important right now for families to be in touch – even if they’re out of state,” said Davis. “That’s where the breakdown can happen. We follow through to make sure everybody is talking.”
Davis said, “It does take a village. And this hardship exemplifies the community spirit and it’s wonderful
to see.”
Keeping seniors safe is on the minds of the Monmouth County Freeholders who have launched initiatives to help them, including expanding SCAT service, early morning transportation for seniors to take advantage of designated shopping hours offered by many grocery stores and other essential retail locations.
At Brighton Gardens in Middletown, like most long-term care and senior living community facilities, residents’ health is closely monitored. Outside visitors and group activities have been suspended and residents stay in their rooms.
“We have amazing life enrichment managers,” said Lori Rathgeber, director of sales. “Someone goes into every single apartment, reads to them, plays a game, so that they are getting stimulation every day.”
Some favorite pastimes include residents lining up in their doorways and playing Hall Bingo. “We yell the numbers down the hall,” said Rathgeber. “Or we go down the hall and let them sing karaoke. That’s a lot of fun. You know, you’ve got to get creative.”
The hardest part of quarantine for many of the seniors, Rathgeber said, is understanding why they can’t have visitors.
To keep residents and their families in touch with one another Brighton Gardens uses iPads and schedules Facetime and Skype calls, said Rathgeber.
Some residents have embraced the technology and for some the reactions have been endearing. “We get a lot of ‘Where are you? I can see you, but I can’t touch you.’ ”
As with most senior residences, Chelsea Senior Living communities closely follow New Jersey Department of Health guidelines. All employees have the personal protective equipment they need, including masks, gloves, face shields and hand sanitizer, and are screened before each shift.
“We have had a strict no-visitation policy in effect since March 12th,” said Tom Kranz, director of communications, in an email.
“Communication with families is done through text, email, telephone and video venues. Our residents no longer take their meals in a communal dining room,” he said. “Their meals are delivered to their apartments.”
“The health and safety of our residents and employees has always been and remains our number one priority,” said Kranz.
Seniors living alone have tried to make the best of it though.
Rose Tamburro has heeded the warning to stay home and out of supermarkets – even though she lives in a senior living apartment house adjacent to the Lincroft Acme. Instead, her daughter comes to drop off groceries.
But she spends her time reading the newspaper, chatting with family on the phone, watching TV, cleaning her apartment and cooking. “I love to cook and I love to dance. And I do them both every day in my apartment,” she said. “I cook lamb shank, pasta fagioli, whatever.”
She misses attending the Zumba classes the building used to run and daily Mass at St. Leo the Great church across the street. “I don’t know when we’ll be able to go back,” she said.
Easter came and went with barely a celebration but Tamburro’s grandchildren and dog came to visit – social distance-style. “They came to the window with plants and homemade cookies,” said Tamburro, who lives on the first floor. They sang “Happy Easter” and left the gifts on the chair outside her window so she could retrieve them later.
She allows herself a walk to a small nearby store and recently brought a bagel back for a neighbor. “When she opened the door I threw her the bag – keeping 6 feet back – and she threw me a kiss,” Tamburro laughed. “It’s what we have to do.”
Barbara Plant celebrated her Easter this year 6 feet away from her loved ones. And even though social distancing can be inconvenient, she doesn’t feel lonely.
“If the weather is good, I’ll walk with a girlfriend – but she’s 6 feet away from me,” she said.
Plant said at Shadow Lake Village in Middletown, an active adult community where she lives, some residents do informal exercises in the parking lot and many of her neighbors play mah-jongg online. “We’re turning a disadvantage into something that’s new and unique.”
She chats on the phone with family and friends, and keeps busy reading, most recently Ken Follet and Robert Parker. “I have a dear friend with a lot of books,” she said. “I’m hoping to get another batch from her soon.”
Her daughter and daughter-in-law bring groceries and hot meals so she doesn’t have to venture to the supermarket. When her grandchildren visit they stand outside the glass door.
And she has discovered she has a penchant for online shopping, although among the purchases are some she plans to return. “I have so much that has to go back to Talbot’s when this is all over.”
Plant admits it’s a trying time and she’s had disappointments; her 85th birthday celebration was scheduled for the Molly Pitcher Inn. “We had to cancel,” she said. “But that’s neither here nor there.”
It’s an unprecedented time but Plant, a widow, and her generation have weathered more: World War II, the Korean and Vietnam wars and 9/11. Plant remembers the Cuban Missile Crisis in 1962 when her children were young. “I was terrified,” Plant recalled. “My husband was coming home early from work. I packed the whole car – baby formulas and all. I was a wreck,” she said of her plans to flee and take cover. “We were going to drive to Pennsylvania.”
“And then that got settled,” she said. “And it was over.”
So Plant doesn’t spend time ruminating about what she’s missing now. Sure, she’d prefer to be going to breakfast with friends, spending time with family and doing everyday activities. “But so much of that stuff is not that important,” she said.
“Just put me with a book and I’ll be OK.”
The article originally appeared in the April 30 – May 6, 2020 print edition of The Two River Times.
