Talk Saves Lives: Preventing Suicide Through Education and Awareness

By Amy Byrnes

Here’s what presenters at a recent suicide prevention program sponsored by The SOURCE – Red Bank Regional High School’s youth services program – most want you to know: Suicide can be prevented through education and awareness.

“Seven out of 10 youth suicides can be prevented if we know the warning signs,” said Phyllis Alongi, a youth suicide prevention specialist who presented Talk Saves Lives, a program developed by the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention. “Suicide is a health issue. It doesn’t discriminate based on any special demographic or certain risk factor that makes one population more at risk than another.”

Intended for intimate presentations, the program was held May 9 at the home of RBR parents Kelly and Brooks Cullen in Little Silver. It gave parents the opportunity to learn from experts on suicide prevention about suicide risk factors and warning signs in a casual setting and then how to have the difficult conversations with teenagers about whether they are thinking about suicide. The 25 people gathered for the conversation also got to hear from RBR staff about what’s being done by the school and educational and counseling opportunities available to students.

“You can’t do it on your own in the house,” she said to parents, “and we can’t do it alone in the school. We need to do this together.”

While the Talk Saves Lives program addresses suicide prevention across the entire life span, last week’s gathering focused on some of the challenges parents of teens today are faced with. Alongi shared that suicide is the second leading cause of death among youths ages 10-24 in New Jersey. “This is something that is a national health issue because it’s very prevalent.”

“We’re not asking anybody to become a therapist,” said co-presenter Mary Fowler who, along with Alongi, is from Upstream Suicide Prevention, a program through RWJ Barnabas Health Institute for Prevention and Recovery. “But just to increase your awareness of risk factors, warning signs and more important, knowing what to say and what to do.”

But that doesn’t make recognizing the signs and risk factors for suicide any more clear cut, said Alongi. “It’s that right combination, just like Hurricane Sandy, where you had the tide, the moon and the barometric pressure come together to create the perfect storm. It’s the same thing with suicide – it’s not one reason why.”

Added to all the many and complicated reasons why someone would consider suicide, Alongi said teenagers bear the additional burden of having underdeveloped brains – which won’t be done forming until age 26 or 27 – which affect problem-solving and coping skills along with their perception of the scope of the problem. “Layer that with all the challenges they’re faced with and that constant inundation of information and stimulus from social media and technology.”

The pair addressed some of the things that might put someone more at risk for suicide, which include environmental factors like stressful life events or access to lethal means; historical factors, including previous suicide attempts and childhood abuse or neglect; and finally health factors, which include chronic health conditions, traumatic brain injury or a mental health condition. “The majority of people who die by suicide do have a mental health diagnosis, but not everybody who has a mental health diagnosis feels suicidal,” said Alongi.

The problem, said Fowler, is that only two out of five people with mental health conditions seek the help they need. “Mental health care is a very important ingredient in preventing somebody’s death by suicide,” said Fowler, who stressed the importance of not waiting until a person is in a crisis situation to get them in to see a mental health care professional.

But what if your child refuses to get help or has been to therapy and says it doesn’t help? Fowler suggested that just as when a child has a medical issue, a parent would continue to look for ways to help treat what was wrong with them. “You have to find what works best and explore treatment options.”

The pair stressed the importance of not being afraid of talking to your child about suicide and gave straightforward examples of how to do so. “The number one myth surrounding suicide is that if we ask someone about suicide, we’re planting the idea in their head,” said Alongi. “Put your approach and attitudes about suicide aside so that it won’t alter the way you ask your child directly.”

“How we talk about suicide matters,” said Alongi. “It affects the way our kids are going to talk to us about it and alter the way people feel comfortable discussing it.” She pointed out how parents and educators spend so much time talking to kids about school shootings, drugs and terrorism, “But we don’t talk to them about suicide.”

Fowler said the most important thing a parent can do is to “trust your gut.”

“If you get a feeling, pay attention to that feeling,” she said.          

The SOURCE, which has been at RBR for 17 years, provides many free services for students – including individual, group and family counseling – and sees about one-third of the school population, according to Keller. She shared that since the 2016-2017 school year, the number of students exhibiting signs of suicide referred to the hospital rose from 17 to 32.

“It’s a crisis in our community, it’s a crisis for our kids,” she said. “Even though we’re educating in the classroom we really need to get out and start talking to parents, too.”

“The work that The SOURCE does for RBR students is critical to our kids’ well-being,” said Kelly Cullen, one of the event hosts. “We wanted to host this program so that parents had a comfortable atmosphere to talk about an uncomfortable but very important subject.”

Warning Signs of Suicide

• Talking about wanting to die
• Looking for a way to kill oneself
• Talking about feeling hopeless or having no purpose
• Talking about feeling trapped or in unbearable pain
• Talking about being a burden to others
• Increasing the use of alcohol or drugs
• Acting anxious, agitated, or reckless
• Sleeping too little or too much
• Withdrawing or feeling isolated
• Showing rage or talking about seeking revenge
• Displaying extreme mood swings

What to Do

• Do not leave the person alone
• Remove any firearms, alcohol, drugs or sharp objects that could be used in a suicide attempt
• Call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255)
• Take the person to an emergency room, or seek help from a medical or mental health professional