By Larry Sykoff
When many of us were younger, most of the news reached us at 6 and 11 p.m. or perhaps from newspapers and magazines around the house. But times have certainly changed and dramatically so. The news today surrounds children – from all-day cable channels to social media to online magazines and websites to a plethora of news outlets so easily accessible in print and online – and it is simply ubiquitous.
In recent months, the news has been dominated by politics, natural disasters, economics and now, the coronavirus. That makes it more important than ever to help children sort out the news in ways they can understand and put it in the proper, age-appropriate context. No matter how mature our children are, ominous or upsetting news can affect them emotionally, cause them anxiety and often last far beyond the news events of the day.
Conversely, these complex times also present teachable moments. Today, children require more time from parents, not less, as they search for understanding in emotional safe zones. Children often take their emotional cues about the news from their parents’ reactions. Indeed, if the adults in their lives approach news with a sense of calm, children tend to stay calm. However, other reactions can generate considerable confusion and worry.
These complicated times present abundant opportunities for parents to demonstrate how the news can generate an understanding of the way the world works and how to approach adversity with stability, optimism, and positive solutions. A few great examples of important topics for children are the work of disaster relief agencies, the role of the volunteers in social agencies, and the advances in medical research. Children learn and understand that, when bad things happen, there are armies of people ready and willing to help address the problem. The world is replete with people helping others and brimming with professionals always working to solve even the most complicated and chaotic issues that face our world.
As such, children can also become problem solvers on a smaller scale to give them a sense of agency in trying times. They can direct their thoughts to public officials by writing or emailing them, or pitch in at a school fundraiser or support a local charity in any number of ways. The primary objective is that active engagement of children, based on their age and readiness for such discussion, brings much needed perspective about viable solutions and can provide a sense of groundedness when confronted with stressful news.
In young children, the most essential sentiment is that they know they are safe and that most issues, in time, will be resolved. Minimizing fears can be helpful in the very near term, but more substantive responses and conversations can ultimately help keep children’s fears, misunderstandings and worries at a minimum. With very young children, the best approach is to limit TV viewing, discourage internet access and keep troubling news at an absolute minimum until things settle down around them.
With older children, distressing news provides an opportunity for parents to help them shape their core beliefs and values. Providing children with the time and space to express their concerns and ask questions offers a strong opportunity for advice and opinion. These are truly teachable moments and the impact of such authentic dialogue can not only ameliorate a tense situation but last a lifetime.
The positive impact of frequent, constructive conversations with children will build up over time and will ultimately be more valuable than infrequent, drawn-out discussions. In these quiet and intimate settings, children often form their view of the world, which can be positive, negative or anywhere in between.
Equally important is the need for parents to seek assistance and advice from teaching professionals, counselors and other related resources to expand their own understanding and ability to help children interpret the news. This information can empower parents to become powerful facilitators of their children’s emotional growth and well-being. There is nothing more reassuring for children than knowing they can rely on the adults in their lives to be stabilizing forces when confronting troubling news events. Indeed, many children will look back at these moments and remember how instrumental their parents were when they needed them the most.
Conversation has unfortunately become a lost family activity in modern times. But we owe our children more time, more support, more reassurance and, in general, more of us. If we expect children to flourish with confidence, resilience and optimism and to see goodness and opportunity in the world – and that it is a safe place to live, learn and grow – talking to them about the news in intentional, thoughtful ways can become a catalyst for their social, emotional and psychological growth and well-being.
Lawrence S. Sykoff, Ed.D., is Headmaster Emeritus at Ranney School and president of LSS Consulting Group
The article originally appeared in the March 12-18, 2020 print edition of The Two River Times.
